Guidance Councelor
by VampyrycPineapple
Summary: Not everyone in the world are Cahills. This is Amy and Dan's guidance councilor's opinion of the siblings  and their relations. PERMANENT HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I'm going to be starting a multichap soon so this is the last post for a while.**

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Mrs. Garcia was perplexed by the Cahills.

Dan had been the class clown before his grandmother's funeral but after disappearing for three weeks with no warning whatsoever he was more serious and odder than ever before.

Amy had been shy and sweet, but she had that awful stutter whenever she talked. And now she was more confident and the stutter was almost gone, which was good, for Amy, but not for a poor Guidance counselor who had to figure out why they had changed.

She doubted it was the change of guardianship; it could be that their grandmother had died recently, but she uncertain it was that either.

And just last week they were absent for three days! Plus there was no excuse made to the school board either. Both of them seemed shaken up after that too.

And it didn't help that there were going to be six new transfer students (three from Milwaukee and she couldn't remember where the other three were from), two foreign exchange students from England were on the way, and THE Jonah Wizard wanted to try his luck at this school.

Yeah, her counseling sessions were about to get way more tedious.

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Three weeks later Mrs. Garcia was witness to one of the strangest friendships ever.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I figured I'd give this another go because I'm bored, and I needed more shameless advertising for my HP fic. And if you protest saying it's the wrong archive to advertise on I say: so most writers on this archive are AMAZING and can actually offer me advice.**

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Mrs. Garcia figured she might as well find the exchange students and see if they are fitting in.

She did _not _expect for them to be talking to the Cahills. Another mystery to add to the list, she thought, they have troubles with their old friends but they seem to get along perfectly with the new students.

"Mr. Kabra!"

All four of them jumped.

"Who is she?" The girl Kabra asked.

"The school guidance councilor." Dan Cahill replied. "She tried to figure out what changed over the three weeks the two of us were missing."

"Well, it might have helped if you didn't say it was 'top secret family business and if I told you I'd have to kill you'." Amy said to her brother.

That's when she reached them.

"Hello Mrs..." The boy Kabra called over his siblings' discussion.

"Garcia. And I want the two of you in my office after school to make sure you are adjusting properly."

"I suppose, Natalie?"

"Why ever not Ian?"

Whew, one problem down, one, two, three, four left.

"And I'll see the two of you at your usual time" She called over to the Cahill siblings.

"Why don't we just go with them?" Complained Dan, "Our problems are very similar."

They all seemed to be holding back smiles at that comment.

"Fine, you all come to my office after school. Okay?"

Okays chorused behind her.

If only Mrs. Garcia knew what she just got herself into.


	3. Chapter 3

**Boredom and the opportunity for more free advertising, why not?**

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Mrs. Garcia had decided to get it over with faster to clump all the new students 'are you adjusting properly?' session together, oh and the Cahills would take their session then too.

She regretted that decision now.

Now Mrs. Garcia knew that she wasn't by any means easy to manipulate (the exception being the Cahills), and now it seemed that she would have to add all of the new students to this list.

"How about all of your home lives? They are all fine right?"The tone of desperation was evident in her voice.

Please agree, please agree, please, please agree.

That's when Mrs. Garcia noticed the silence that had greeted her words.

Oh no. All of their home live can't be bad, right?

Sigh.

"Why don't the Kabras say their problem first?"

More silence. Silence she could practically _hear_ the crickets in the background.

"Err…. We disowned our mother, she was charged with first degree murder and our father is in Brazil for an indefinite time." Natalie answered in a small voice.

Woah, what?

Their mother was a murderer? Then who did she kill?

That was when she realized she was talking out loud.

Amy saved them with a shocking answer of: "Me and Dan's parents"

Were the crickets chirping 'When the Saints Go Marching in?'

Someone end the awkward silence, I'll give you an imaginary 1,000,000 dollars! No takers? Surely there must be someone? Really? Am I that unloved?

"Yo, my mom kicked me out and my dad chose me over her."

Or was the chirping Avril Lavigne's 'Complicated?'

"Um… you can all leave for today, we will tackle the Holts and Starlings problems tomorrow."

"Really? You really want to listen to our hopelessly lost home lives? Really?"

What was Mrs. Garcia thinking?


	4. Chapter 4

**I guess inspiration has hit me. And the fact that I have nothing better to do. While I really should be working on my HP fic I might as well give this a couple chaps. (and I really don't care how short they are, I just seem to write that way. It's my style so deal with it. No hard feeling right?) Before I get back to working on that. Oh, and they all revealed the truth because they all like to mess with her (and patient confidentiality).**

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The next day Mrs. Garcia really couldn't help but notice that despite the awful session yesterday, that none of them excluded each other; in fact they seemed even closer than before.

If that was possible, they were inseparable before.

And as it was inevitable, they came to her office, her sanctuary from the others like he-, no, just crazies.

Mrs. Garcia regretted her decision to study psychology in college; she should have known it would bite her in the butt one day.

Look, they're here, _yay_; let's just get this over with.

"Now, I know I said that we would tackle the Holts and Starlings problems today, but I feel that you six should just talk when you're ready."

There, take that crickets!

"Well, Dad wants the best for us..."Hamilton started.

No no no. Silence you fool.

"But he doesn't know how to do that."Completed Reagan.

"Well, our parents have kinda—"Sinead began.

"Abandoned us." Ned said.

"After the exp-accident" Ted finished.

Oh look, the crickets brought their rubber duckies.

"Where do you all live then?"

"Yo, we all chill at Amy and Dan's crib."

They all live together, Why not?

There was now a distinct country tune to the chirping.

"You all have pretty messed up family lives."

Mrs. Garcia missed Madison mouth _Same Family_ to the others.

The crickets were pretty good, but Mrs. Garcia could have sworn she heard Taylor Swift.

So, five seconds later when they started laughing, she kicked them out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Boredom, what can I say.**

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So they all lived together, did they?

Thinking they could work together to bring her down did they?

Ha, they'd never break her down, NEVER!

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At the after-school session, Mrs. Garcia was being paranoid.

The frea-students were ignoring her and apparently composing a family tree for the original crazies.

It couldn't be the other's family, the name Cahill kept coming up.

But how come all of them knew enough of Amy's family for each set of siblings to take a branch? And the dates, no one could have a family tree practically memorized back to the 1500's. (She missed all their phones out and telling them where each name went).

She was okay with it, Mrs. Garcia was telling herself, and it gave her time to deal with all the paperwork that came with the new, new student.

He was from Phoenix, she thought. Or was that his name?

And just because he had the same last name as—

No, they couldn't be related. That was as likely as ALL of people in this office, excluding her, being related.

But how else could the Holts know enough to correct Jonah?

But if they were related then why did the Starlings and Kabras keep trying to peek at Dan's branch of the family?

Wait, they couldn't be related, they were all in on teasing boy Kabra, no Ian, she mentally corrected herself, and Amy about their crushes on each other.

If they were related, that would be disgusting, especially if they were tracing their shared family tree.

Back to the new student, there was a small possibility he and Jonah Wizard were related…

But that chance was extremely small.

Right?

Oh, _perfect_ timing crickets. They were rapping now.


	6. Chapter 6

**So I figured I would get one more chapter up before I left, even if it's a bit shorter than usual. Introducing new character Phoenix Wizard.**

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Mrs. Garcia was falling behind on the dreaded paperwork; between the new students and their freakishness she barely had thinking time that didn't include them.

Anyways back to the new, new student Phoenix, he apparently _was _related to Jonah, and a new addition to the group that would soon be the bane of her existence.

In fact Mrs. Garcia was pretty she was going crazy, she had almost lost her job, but then Mr. Simmons (the principal) had gotten that mysterious phone call, she was allowed to keep her job until she felt like quitting.

(She had absolutely no idea that Natalie was eavesdropping and didn't want her to leave just yet, it was just too much fun messing with the counselor).

Phoenix Wizard was at least polite enough to her, when the other weren't around anyways.

She also was pretty sure that the guy Holt and the girl Starling had started dating, and the boy Kabra and Amy were going out too.

She also had seen Ned, Madison, and Dan high-fiving in the hallway, and Reagan, Jonah, and Ted talking about locked closets and brilliant plans.

Oh, and Natalie looking vaguely disturbed.

Questions, my dear crickets, questions.


	7. Chapter 7

**Right, so I'm back and I hope you all didn't miss me too much, anyways I was going through my favorites lists and decided to muck out all the ones that don't appeal to me anymore so I would love for you all to PM me your absolutely FAVORITE stories and I will look them up when I have the time, I have the categories of the preferred entries up on my profile, so go take a look.**

**In fact just go take a look and be updated on the events in my life.**

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That time of the day came as it always did for Mrs. Garcia, and she was contemplating her chances of escaping out the window, unfortunately for our brave protagonist, she had hesitated too long and the evil brats walked in.

They were in a happy mood, which was good, so Mrs. Garcia just let them talk among themselves, planning to stop them if they started to come up with a plan to take over the school, because she didn't doubt their abilities of doing so.

But back to their conversation, they seemed to be talking about just how the two couples had gotten together.

It was funny almost, watching Amy and boy Kab-Ian's faces when Madison or was it Reagan, mentioned their being 'practically made for each other'.

Especially when Jonah, of all people mentioned the similarities of boy Ho-Hamilton and girl Starli-Sinead's faces when compared to Romeo and Juliet.

Although exactly how they were forbidden lovers confused her, Mrs. Garcia was more confused by what that had to do with Madrigals, wasn't that a musical term?

Oh well, that's another few mysteries to add to the list crickets.

Yes, the crickets obeyed her now. .

No, Mrs. Garcia wished they listened to her; instead they had been playing Punk since that conversation with one of the Cahill's guardians.

That had left her with very little hope for the other one.

Rather unfortunately, according to her luck with, well, _all_ of them, it was probably that man that dressed in all grey that she had seen at least once a day since the original siblings had gotten back.

But no one else had mentioned a grey stalker yet so it was entirely possible Mrs. Garcia was going crazy.

Unknown to her she couldn't go nuts yet for the purposes of a few questionable writers.


	8. Chapter 8

**Now I've had a lot of people come to help me and the offer is still out there, I'll take any ideas out there.**

**This one is from anonymous **

**And the Bacon Song really exists, look it up on youtube, it`s by Meekakitty.**

**Thanks for all the help peoples.**

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Mrs. Garcia was suffering from a huge cut in her paycheck.

With the mess that is the American Economy, she supposed that she shouldn't have been surprised, but still.

Now she had to tutor the frea—Cahills and their relatives, though that particular fact was unknown to her, but it still remained a fact.

After all, it was a little known fact that she had minored in teaching history, another fact she was beginning to regret.

It didn't help that the crazie—children she now had to tutor had a calming affect on each other, it make her have nightmares of what they would be like without the others.

Plus their first history session had resulted in them correcting her on the facts, pronunciations, and the grammatical structure of her sentences.

That had made her to ask why exactly they required tutoring, the response of: they get all the facts wrong and have the most absurd ideas concerning influential people throughout history, had surprised her.

For example: the girl, Natalie seemed to think that Hitler and Churchill were enemies over a girl (whose father would give a clue to her husband, not the other), the ridiculousness.

On closer inspection, they all had weird thoughts on certain points of history.

Although Amy and Ian did keep flinching whenever she said the word Korea, whether it was North or South didn't seem to matter, much.

The Wizards comparing Hamilton and Sinead (What kind of parent names their daughter Sinead anyway?) to Romeo and Juliet again, although this time she heard something about cats named Thomas…

And the oddities continued, they seemed to question her whenever she said the reasoning behind certain events.

Mrs. Garcia even had trouble filing it away as nonsense, it all fit together in a strange way and that scared her, so she ignored that and continued on as normal, it wasn't as if she wasn't already crazy before…

Um, no she isn't crazy, that's…

Undeniably true, it`s also why Mrs. Garcia hid her talent for the dramatic arts.

She was also studying up on crickets in her spare time.

Mrs. Garcia had to be prepared, you see, for the next time, they aren't really gone you know, just hiding, bidding their time, and when we least expect it, they will attack, and they won`t show mercy.

She hated the Bacon Song with a passion.


	9. Chapter 9

**I have fixed chapter 8 so you can go take a look at it.**

**This idea was pitched in by Miss Classified.**

**Remember folks, you still submit your ideas.**

**But I have yet to receive any monologues on pineapples, so I will accept dialogues on rubber duckies.**

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Mrs. Garcia was slightly worried she would lose her job, again.

Not that she had ever done anything worth getting fired for, that the general population of the school knew about.

Or the principal.

Or the school board.

Or anyone else.

This wasn't as bad as, well, let's not talk about that now.

Back to the point, all she had done was set a few (hundred) video cameras around the school (and her house, just in case).

I mean, it's not like the Cahills and co. were able to see the cameras, which they shouldn't have, unless they knew exactly were to look.

It's funny though, they were all acting what could be considered normal.

In fact it was too normal.

It was so normal, she had problems finding flaws, not that she had been able to before, but still.

They didn't seem to have any flaws whatsoever, academically or outside of classes.

Their GPAs were all completely average, like they knew what the average would be before the report cards came out.

But they couldn't know that, could they.

And outside of school they all completely disappeared.

At this rate adding hidden microphones wouldn't do much.

In fact she was probably better off spending her money on those tracer things.

You know, the ones that you put on someone and it told you exactly where they went on a special GPS.

It wasn't like they checked for those everyday.

Or went to New Zealand overnight.

Or had super secret hidden rooms the opened up when you pressed the fourth pool tile to the right and third up.

No, they were probably all horrible socialists.

That was the perfectly logical answer her brain was looking for.


	10. Chapter 10

**So I figured that I should get another chapter up before school starts up.**

**This idea was submitted by Skyclaw and the many people who wanted Mrs. Garcia to visit their house.**

**Enjoy.**

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Ned, Ted and Dan were in sooo much trouble.

What kind of parents would allow their kids to mix a toxic, potentially fatal, explosive mix of chemicals, and release it in the school?

Not hers.

Okay, so she knew their home lives were messed up, but still, they were endangering the entire student body.

She wouldn't have done that when she was in school (totally disregarding the fact that she did indeed do something very similar to that).

So now she had to give the three of them even more guidance, but this time she would have to visit their home and counsel them there.

She was so very scared.

Plus she had to see if their guardians were mentally sound enough to take care of so many children.

Yeah, her parents weren't mentally stable and she had more siblings then they had relatives, probably.

But that girl they were living with, the one with the pink hair and body piercings; she was definitely insane.

They other one, the Mr. Cahill, there was hope for him.

But she honestly doubted that.

Because she wanted to keep her job, so she didn't have any choice in this matter.

At all.

Except for when she hacked into the schools main computer and changed the schedules.

She only did that once.

Hehe yeah, once.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry about the wait, I've been caught up with school and my crazy friends. You might have thought your friends were insane but has the quote "Please stop petting me with the burrito," ever come up in one of your conversation? I think not.**

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The counseling session was awful, the Cahill kids and co. seemed to know how to push all of her buttons and not get her to snap.

So Mrs. Garcia was already in a bad mood when she went to go talk to their other guardian.

And he turned out to be the crazy gray stalker Mrs. Garcia had seen around the school.

That was a wonderful conversation.

Arriving to her house, which was just hers, (her husband was in the insane asylum), Mrs. Garcia froze.

It wasn't her fault.

That was the first thing that popped into Mrs. Garcia's head.

Whatever happened to her lovely suburban home was beyond her.

It looked like someone had gone though all her things, and didn't even bother putting them back in the right spots, what had happened to the quality of criminals these days?

She didn't notice the new screensaver in her computer then, which would have served as a huge warning; it was a couple of crickets hopping across the screen.

She just tried to fall asleep and forget about what had happened that day.

That was when Mrs. Garcia heard the crickets, but this time there was no tune, it was just a bunch of random notes over and over and over again.

That was what finally pushed her over the edge, with anything concerning crickets anyways.

~``''``''~``''``''~


	12. Chapter 12

**I tried a different style today so please don't hurt me. I have a new poll up about whether or not to do anymore chapter like this. **

**Oh, and first person to spot the typo in any one of my chapters gets a special shout-out (because I'm not going to lie, that's how you end up joining a side in this war) although what war, I still have no clue…**

**Plus it's been a while no one has mentioned it.**

**Yeah, that's all I have to say…**

_~``''``''~``''``''~_

Something was off with Mrs. Garcia that day.

That was the first thing most of the Cahills noticed.

With the exception of Dan, Hamilton, Phoenix and Jonah who had stayed up all night playing Dan's new ninja game, even Amy had lost count of exactly how many video games Dan owned.

Natalie, Ned, Ted and Sinead were thinking how to press her buttons that day.

Ian's brain was most definitely focusing on the last Lucian meeting, and really wasn't being attempted to be shouted over by a chorus of Amy, Amy, and surprise, surprise Amy.

Really.

No.

But for the sake of not being cliché we shall pretend so.

Anyways…

Amy was thinking of her ancestor Madeline Cahill, and if she would be proud of what she and her brother had done.

Madison and Reagan were thinking of how to beat up the mean girl that they had seen Amy being teased by; no one messed with a Cahill.

The fact that later that day Jonah found the most popular girl in school (insert fancy-sounding Mary-Sue name here: _), was completely coincidental, (besides Reagan had winked at Amy when she found out, and neither of them were in trouble with Fiske, so Madison assumed they were in the clear).

Back to our unhinged main character…

Mrs. Garcia was, for lack of a better word, pissed off.

We shall hope that she had picked that up from the very many (few) schoolchildren she had counseled.

She was mad at the crickets, the Crickets and the CRICKETS.

Please note the difference of capital letters in the previous sentence, because the capitalization seemed to matter to the crazy one.

It really didn't, but let's not mention that to her, (Pssssst, she's certifiably insane, but don't let that bother you, single, relatively attractive men! She still has… Ummmm, yeah, you know what, I'll get back to you guys on that one, maybe).

Or not.

Our story/chapter continues:

Actually you know what, that all I had ready for you, so, err…

Enjoy?

Or not, you don't have to.

Yeah…

Insert awkward silence here_.

Bye?


	13. Cricket 9847a

**Absolutely no one wants to take this story up, seriously, way to boost my self-esteem. I not mad I'm just saying that you won't get anymore of Mrs. Garcia and the crickets, which were by the way a totally unplanned story device. **

**So I wrote this to (hopefully) inspire you to take this fic up.:**

Cricket 98475a hopped over to the meeting nest in the vent above Mrs. Garcia's desk, he had just been promoted to senior-under-assistant-to-the-King's-personal-assistant's-assistant's-personal-assistant. Even as a young little larvae, he had never even dared to imagine that he would make it this far up in the chain of command.

He was to actually stand in the corner of the room as the leaders of their society (which is waaay more advanced than the stupid human's government) planned out how to torture who they predicted would be the leader of the planet and the surrounding 9483 galaxies by the year of , so that she would respond to their every whim.

milliseconds later the leaders (all hail) had decided on a Disney Princess theme, and Cricket 98475a was given the clearance to watch it! Life was… now where was that thesaurus again? He need to look up AMAZING.


End file.
